I remember when emojis where brand new. (EWW I just threw up in my mouth a little bit when I said that…. I promise I am only 26) Anyways, I remember when emojis were brand new and I thought they were so stupid. I thought they were dumb and it was soooOOo embarrassing to use them. I was 8 - in my defense - and I just knew they were NOT it. Granted things have changed and I love a silly little not serious string of emojis that make no sense and are inappropriate to the context of a message.

Anyways, that has no relevance to anything, I just wanted to feel bad about myself and age me a little. It is currently April and the quarter life crisis is SO crazy right now. I have had a *few moments* that have caused me to rethink things a little… moments including a complete and terrible anxiety attack in the middle of my work day, a meltdown at a pool (think billiards) party, and an audio book. And before I go on, don’t get it confused, life is good right now. But I feel like I am getting to a point where some of the stuff I have complained about in my life, it just keeps happening. lol and it makes me wonder what my role is in it. What am I doing that allows my life to keep functioning in a way that i actually don’t love. Example: I hate letting people down so I often overextend, overcommit and overbook myself. Bu I get anxious about having my schedule so packed. I love being busy, but I also love to be spontaneous and be impulsive, which you can’t do when you have back to back activities all day, every day. That is just one small example and I don’t even feel like it is one. but whatever. I am only so willing to cut myself to far open and bleed out my secrets to the internet. But basically I am my own enemy and I am coming to terms with that.

But that’s my excuse for not blogging. I have been too busy figuring out dental insurance and trying out yoga classes and belly dancing classes and journaling (??) and being impulsive. I feel like my whole life I have had people really depend on me and I think that has informed so many of my decisions. I am the boring, reliable, DD and I never wanted to be that girl. I am personally rewinding back to 2016 and I am going to rewrite the story of who I am and who I am becoming. And with that, I am swearing off any proof reading. I wasn’t doing much before but at least moving forward I refuse to feel bad about my misspelt words or stream of consciousness way of writing that just doesn’t make sense sometimes. lol This whole blog entry isn’t saying much besides sometimes life is really good and really bad at the same time. And I don’t know what is happening, but I at least feel a little excited to figure it out for once. I doubt that feeling will last long, but I am going to enjoy it while I can. Oh, and I dont want to talk about it but I got a roommate and I figured I should just acknowledge that lol

Ooops… I just love to tease a little *insert silly sassy tongue out winking emoji*

Do I come across as insane or do I just feel it in my brain?

Ooops… I just love to tease a little insert silly sassy tongue out winking emoji