I took some dance classes as a kid: ballet, hip hop and tap. I loved dancing but ultimately I gave up my dream of becoming a triple threat because I could not stand wearing tights. I also always thought stretching was stupid which is unfortunate because naturally my body wants to curl into itself and stay that way. My body is always tight and always hurts. But despite the fact that I don’t believe in New Years resolutions, a few years ago I made one and set my eyes on the prize of being able to do the splits. I stretching religiously for that year and I became no closer to being able to do the splits. But that is also because I did not know what I was doing and definitely was not stretching any of the relevant muscles. Until this year. Again at New Years, I decided to lock in and I began to stretch muscles that can actually help me do the splits. A few days ago I decided to record myself stretching to see if it was even helping. LEMME TELL YOU I AM SOOOO CLOSE! and I literally didn’t even know! I literally cannot shut up about the fact that I can almost do the splits. I am about to be so annoying when I can actually do them. I sincerely apologize in advanced.

After I took that video, I started mindlessly scrolling through my camera roll looking at all the recently fun time and such I have had. Not to quote Janis from Mean Girls when she is yelling at Cady from the sunroof of the car but telling you that feels very “Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each others awesomeness?” of me. And I hate that. Anyways, sorry to totally derail. But I was stalking myself and I see a video of my actually almost doing the splits, and a photo of me with a few Spanish tutor I hired to actually commit and do a thing I have talked about doing for years. And a photo advertising a popup I am doing both as organizer and as a vendor to put myself out there to sell art again. I had pictures of 5 different cats I have seen over this last week because I am going on little walks every day. And a photo of me on the stairmaster at my gym that I sent to my aunt because I went to the gym for the first time in like a month. I had a few photos of my cute room I love. and so many photos from a recent housewarming I threw with all my friends that i love so much. And I didn’t have a picture on this, but I just got a first payment to start working on another children’s book. SO BIG WIN! I think I have complained a lot recently about there not being certain milestones that I wanted to be at my now regarding my living situation, or type of job I have or about my tax or student loan situation or the creative lull I have been in. And i think I am resentful and mad at myself in small ways for not figuring out a way to get out of it. But something about seeing my measly progress on doing the splits was oddly validating and inspiring. Like progress is slow and it is so easy to be disappointed or frustrated but just because “IT” hasn’t happened yet or you haven’t “MADE IT” doesn’t mean it won’t happen. super corny but I am trying my best, and I genuinely believe in myself lol

Also I remember when I was like 10/11 I really wanted a training bra and I felt super embarrassed bc I didn’t have one. I wanted to be like the other girls but also I felt like it was time and i legitimately needed one. But I was way to shy to ask for one. I also remember doubling up my tank tops and telling myself this is just temporary and one day I will have a real bra. And now I don’t even wear bras so it’s life crazy. Anyways thats kinda like the same thing as I saw saying about the splits but also it is kinda just an embarrassing story that I didn’t need to share.

Moral of the story, stuff is always and discouraging and figuring yourself out is hard and also not really ever possible. But today I was inspired that maybe it is all worth it after all. * group hug <3 *

I have never been a flexible girl

Laundry chair incoming