So turns out I am not going to make this a weekly thing lol

Also I really am not a blogger. I don’t know what I am doing here or why… and I certainly don’t know what to write about. but since it’s hidden in a little tab on my website, I do feel like it’s mostly for me. And since this is mostly for me I hope that it can serve as a little reminder for future, older, hotter, and more mature Jill of where I was and how I felt at just 26. That being said, this last week was my birthday and so far 26 has been filled with weird hormonal imbalances and a late period. Which is nothing other than my new birth control not managing my period like its supposed to but its making me livid. No big deal. For anyone reading this I have had a long complicated relationship with my body and girl stuff and whatever. I have seen a doctor and I am fine it is mostly just annoying on my end and often results in missing/late periods.

26 has also been filled with a lot of insecurity. As I am wrapping up my next children’s book, I am noticing I am feeling super anxious. I have worked on it for four years and while I am so excited, it is really just a long time to be so invested on a project that not many other eyes have seen. So as I finish up, I am feeling so vulnerable… my “THIS IS IT!!!!” can quickly become “This is it??” And I know I am proud, but it must does feel super crazy. And the amount of brain space it is taking up is so anxiety producing where I just have been having so much brain fog and struggle functioning with normal small life things. Which also could be my stupid body and hormones and probably is apart of it. But whatever.

26 is still a baby so it’s not like I am feeling old or rushed, but I think anytime you marker a period of time it is so easy to think about all the things and all the decision you’ve made and how they led you to where you are. And it’s so easy to get critical or rethink decisions you were once so confident in. I generally don’t believe in regret too much as a concept, because what good does it do to really beat yourself up over something that you can’t change at this point and was you just doing your best at the time. Or maybe it was your most selfish at the time but thats okay because good stories are good too. But anyways anyways, I have really been thinking about whats important to me. And for the first time, I am not really sure whats important to me right now or what my priorities are. I know who I am but I really have been thinking a lot about how I spend my time and where I spend my money. I really have been focused on survival and paying off the next financial obligation, I feel like my time and money and priorities are so out of whack. So I need to get to a place where I am not responding out of desperation so much, but also I want to be a little self indulgent while I can and my responsibilities aren’t TOO big and I want to think about what’s actually important to me on like a big picture level so that my little picture level can be more aligned. I don’t really know what any of this means more me just thinking out loud…. And they thoughts haven’t been properly flushed out in a way where I can articulate properly. But right now I want to eat good food, I want to priorities my people and I want my apartment to be more clean lol

So cheers to 26 I guess.

26 big cheers to me

Am I gunna make this a weekly thing?