Okay, so I currently have no readers and I am SO fine with that. I kind of really like the idea of doing this for myself. I feel like a lot of the media I create and engage in feels so performative so I like the idea of this just being something for me. For now at least. We (royally because I am the only one here) know that I LOVE attention. Anyways, I have been on a kick of motivation or inspiration or something because I have just been getting so much done. I also am unaware of where I am in my cycle and what means what, but it could very well be a hormonal thing. I hope its not, because I like feeling like I am taking charge of things.

It feels especially good because I turn 26 next week and I hate that for me. Growing up in the environment that I did, there was definitely a lot of societal pressures and expectations that I am not currently living up to. And while it had been a long time since I have participated in that community and externally felt those pressures, there is a little part of my brain that reminds me every once in a while that I am not meeting expectations. If that statement feels vague, I grew up in very involved in my church. I was raised Christian. Let it be said and known that the type of Christian I was raised as was not the mess that I see Christianity to be in the media. I do not vibe and have never vibed. My parents did not raise me to be like that BUT I was often adjacent or in communities that where like that. Anyways, thats a whole other mess I am not going to deep dive into right now. What I am going to talk about it the whole slut-shaming, body-shaming, young brides and young mom conversations. Like my aunt got married at 26 and she was like considered old my Christian standards. I am turning 26 and theres no chance of me getting married in this next year. I also don’t thing that would be good. But sometimes I get this little itch that makes me feel bad about not being there. I remember being young and wanting to be Lorelai Gilmore because she was a young mom. Granted she was 16 and I didn’t want to be a teen mom, but she was the ideal. So I know my life is far from being over, but sometimes I have to actively remind myself that and that I am not a failure for getting married and becoming a mom by 21.

So this burst of creative inspiration and motivation I am feeling is greatly welcomed. It makes life feel less stagnant. Which again feels crazy to say. How can life even be stagnant at 26. It’s not. I am currently sitting on my couch at 11:17 am on a Wednesday in my underwear, writing a blog post, about to watch Love Island, drinking a yummy ice coffee I made myself in a glass mug that is shaped like a cowboy boot in my very very pink and girlie apartment that I live in and pay for by myself. I don’t think life could be any better honestly.

Am I gunna make this a weekly thing?

Good Luck, Charlie