On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was…

OMG hi! So I started writing this on 10/3 so I am keeping the title even though I am definitely not publishing it on 10/3. But I don’t care about anything. lol

Anyways. Let’s do a little catch up. I am dating. I am working. Working is so uninteresting. I am paying for health insurance and it is sucking me dry. I have decided I want to move into a 2 bedroom with a roommate but I know of no one wanting to move. which is killing me because I happen to be nuts and can’t think about anything else and am very much hyper focusing and super anxious. It has giving me senioritis where I have no tolerance for being broke and busy and stressed anymore because I just can’t wait to move. I have been putting off buying toilet paper because I am just feeling so tapped out financially. I obviously have money to buy toilet paper but I feel like I am hemorrhaging and I wish I wasn’t lol Anyways so I am fine… pretty anxious all the time. I also have been fighting my doctors and insurance and am trying to figure out my meds right now but it’s been a pain since switching over. Everything is all jumbled and I think I am taking wrong meds but they were all I got for now and I think its making everything worse in a way where I want to pluck out my eyelashes. but whatever we persevere. The book is done (!!!) with the exception of the cover which I am feverishly working on. I have so many ideas about my life that I am thinking about right now… But my first move is to move I can work a little less and actually do these things I am thinking about. So if you want to be my roommate, lmk the tip line is open.
Anyways, that’s not what I am here to gab about. It is October meaning it is about time for my seasonal depression to kick in. but also its my favorite time of year with my favorite holiday- Halloween obviously. I am sewing my costume this year so big for me… but this year isn’t gunna be quite the same. I had a big friend group I was apart of and loved so much. And a few of them would throw parties, or we would all pull up to events together… so I was always BOOKED during the spooky season. But this year… I am not apart of that friend group anymore. And sometimes separation is good, but I still miss them and the good memories that we had. So I have just been a little sad. Not because of the invitations of parties I won’t get this year, but because I miss them.

This has sent me into a full spiral recently thinking about all the people who were once so important to me that I are no longer friends with… Some because of moving. some natural fading. some got married and live a different live now. some actual friend breakups. some I am on good terms with. some neutral. some bad. some me choice. some theirs. But regardless of the story of our parting, I miss them all and I actually think about them daily. And there is something so beautiful and tragic about the lasting impact of old lives we’ve lived. I carry my best friend from high school with me every day and I miss our beautiful friendship. I miss my friend “N” every day. I think about how full of life he is and how contagious his energy is. he helped get me through really tough times and I hope more than anything he is happy now. I think about my friend “R” and “S"… things got really messy, but before then, I felt seen in a way I never had felt before. In some ways, they were soulmates to me and I had such immense love for love of them and I laughed harder with them then with anyone else. I miss my friend “E.” I got to experience such pure girlhood in our friendship that I am so grateful for. Honestly, we got coffee recently after years, and I loved getting to see her and chat… but I don’t fit together like we used to anymore. And as much as I miss her, I don’t know that we will ever fit together like we used to. And I could go on and on and on and on. I feel so fortunate to have had so many great friendships so far in my life, and I understand things aren’t always meant to last together and thats sad. But I feel so grateful. And I think it is so beautiful how I can look at my life and notice in all the little ways, I am who I am because of “N” and “R” and “S” and “E” and “K” and “another R” (lol) and “G” and so on…. But whatever, Halloween is just a little more sentimental this year, but I am looking forward to meeting new people and the new experiences we’ll share or whatever. I am getting so sappy omg

Alright, I guess that is all for now. I hope that thought was coherent…. I will not be proof-reading and am just sticking with me “shitty first draft” as my mother calls it.

A customer made my work the most delicious passionfruit pie. LIFE CHANGING.

I went to this art fair where a bunch of different artists taught their art form and one class was clay magnets. and I made three. (i’ll give you a kiss if you can guess which ones I did)

Most favorite set so far! Got so many compliments

Current set…. tim burton inspired

I am doing Inktober for the first time ever…. trying to be casual and actually have fun so I just giving myself 5-12 for each drawing. I am doing it with my mom, uncle and two of my aunts.

I took my dear friend out to Walts for her birthday. She had never been and we took over the photobooth and also got harassed by a guy from Alaska.